


I don’t know if you can tell, but this is me just pretending

by aunt_kat



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: All the sides are friends in this fic, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Being Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), I project on characters sometimes, I'll add tags as we go!, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Morality | Patton Sanders Needs a Hug, Morality | Patton Sanders-centric, Some angst, no beta readers we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26866930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aunt_kat/pseuds/aunt_kat
Summary: Patton Hartman is the most cheerful person in Skapos High School. At least that’s what everyone seems to believe. He always sported a smile, told jokes, and made himself laugh with his own puns. So it came as no surprise when people he barely knew came up and approached him. Unfortunately for Patton, he has no idea how to let people in. So when high school gets harder, and Patton’s grades and self-esteem begins to drop, he has one of two choices:A. Keep pretending that he’s fine and push aside any evidence to the contraryB. Let people in and get some help.
Relationships: platonic DRLAMP
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	1. High School Morning

**Author's Note:**

> Sanders sides belongs to Thomas sanders. This is a non-profit fanfiction.

As Patton looks over at his pastel blue alarm clock, he wonders if he could stay in bed a little longer.  
“Patton! Get down here!” His mother gently yells. Patton rolls out of bed and grabs his glasses. They are rounded, thin wire specs. He gets changed into one of his favorite outfits, a t-shirt with a picture of a cat that says “Today is going to be a paw-some day!” and some shorts, that according to Roman Prince, they looked like dad shorts. He runs downstairs into the kitchen and smiles at his mom.  
“It’s the first day! I hope I have classes with my friends or at least one of them.” He says to his mom, and she laughs.  
“I’d think you would, considering you guys have been in the same classes before.” Mrs. Hartman smiles at her son. Patton smiles back. He grabs his breakfast and sits with his mom at the table. “Your father and I are so proud of you kiddo.” Her voice is full of so much love.  
“I’ll continue to make you proud!” Patton replies smiling, and he finishes his breakfast. “I’m going to go walk to school with Virgil!” He puts on his backpack, which is also pastel blue. He hugs his mom and then walks out the door. As he walks out the door, he sees Virgil, who looks lowkey terrified.  
“Oh hey, Pat!” Virgil says to Patton, a nervous smile on his face. Virgil is wearing a purple and black hoodie, with web-like embroidery design on the sleeves. He also has dark grey pants on. They begin walking to school, which isn't all that far away. Patton estimates they'll be there in 10 minutes give or take.  
“Virgil! It’s the first day of high school today! Can you believe it?” Patton says, a frenzy of excitement.  
“Kinda, I’m just, stressed already. What if the teachers don’t like me?” Virgil says, his voice shaking slightly. He rambles for a bit about it, and Patton listens.  
“Could I give you some advice?” Patton asks him, a small smile of encouragement on his face.  
“Sure, I don’t know,” Virgil says and looks away from Patton.  
“I think that teachers are so busy with so many students, that your first impression may not stick with them. Your work ethic and your classroom behavior can determine that though.”  
“Yeah, that makes sense, thanks, Pat.” Virgil smiles slightly, and he looks less nervous than he did earlier, which makes Patton happy.  
As they approach the school, they start looking for the others in their friend group. As they continue to look in the sea of students, a loud yell is heard near their direction.  
“Hey, Emo! Dad! Get over here!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters will hopefully be longer than this by chapter 4. I don't know how often I plan on uploading but I hope you enjoyed Chapter 1 so far! If you have headcanons, theories, ideas of where the story is headed please comment them!  
> (I am well aware I didn't create the story idea of Patton having mental health problems, but I want to put my own spin on it, and I hope you'll enjoy the story!)


	2. You're my best friends

When Patton and Virgil turn around, they see someone waving them over. When they walk over they realize it’s Roman. Roman must've gotten his hair styled for the first day, it’s far more tidy and neat than it usually is. “If that’s even possible…” Patton thinks to himself.  
“New hairstyle or something, Princy?” Virgil gently teases. Roman rolls his eyes, but he smirks somewhat.  
“why yes, it certainly is. You seem to be wearing the same old eyeshadow.” Roman teases back, and Virgil laughs quietly. It makes Patton smile, he loves seeing his friends have fun together.  
“Hey nerds! Do you know where Janus is?” A louder voice yells, and Roman just facepalms.   
“Remus, I swear to god I will-“  
“You’ll what?” Remus taunts, a smirk evident on his face. Roman grins.  
“I’ll! tell mom that you stole her eyeshadow!” Remus’s eyes go wide.  
“Yeah, well I’ll tell mom you stole her foundation and concealer for theater class last year.” Roman gasps and puts his hand to his chest in mock offense.   
“Guys, don’t tell Mrs. Prince, but I’ve used her eyeliner,” Virgil whispers loud enough for the twins to hear. Remus starts howling with laughter. When Patton looks toward Roman, Logan and Janus come walking towards the group.  
“Roman, please tell your brother I couldn’t hear him from 10 feet away,” Janus says sarcastically. He rolls his eyes but is smiling. Patton waves. Roman nods at him.  
“Greetings, what class do you all have first?” Logan readjusts his blue tie. His expression is straightforward and serious.  
“Remus and I have theater first,” Roman answers, and poses dramatically. Logan nods.  
“I’ve got biology with Janus first,” Virgil answers.  
“That’s where you dissect frogs!” Remus yells out. Everyone but Logan and Remus gags a little. Logan looks excited at the prospect of dissecting a frog.  
“I have Math class first!” Patton starts thinking about how much he hopes he has math with Logan. He realizes that if he doesn’t, he’ll be by himself in first period.  
“Oh. I have English first. I hope you aren’t disappointed, Patton.” Logan answers, avoiding his gaze briefly.  
“Oh...it’s fine logan! Really!” Patton replies, putting on a smile. He looks down for the briefest second and then looks back up. No one seems to notice. Whether that’s good or bad, Patton doesn’t know.  
The bell rings a few seconds later, and it knocks the group out of the awkward silence.  
“Well, I’ll see you guys in another class of mine, or hopefully at lunch?” Patton tries to sound happy. As they all turn away to go to their classes, Patton can’t help but worry that he’s going to be alone in his other classes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments! Whether it's theories, ideas of what's going to happen next, ETC, PLease send in comments!  
> I'll probably keep my chapter word lengths anywhere from 400-1,000 works.


	3. 2+2 doesn't equal 5

When Patton arrives at his math class, he goes up to the teacher and introduces himself to the teacher.  
“Hello! I’m Patton Hartman, I’m looking forward to being in your class.”  
“Please sit down and pick a seat.” The teacher says. Patton sits in the front of the class and starts to think. He wonders if he upset the teacher, and then wonders if he’s messed up his first impression. He sighs and waits to see who’s going to sit near him.  
“Hey, is this seat taken?” A girl asks, and Patton shakes his head no. Patton sighs but attempts to smile at the person next to him. She smiles a little at him but then goes back to looking straight ahead at the whiteboard. Patton takes out his math notebook, pencil, and folder. After 5 minutes, Math class begins.  
“Welcome to Math 1, everyone! I’m Mrs. Alvin and I hope you’re all prepared to learn.” She  
starts talking about the importance of math in the real world.   
“Logan would like this teacher,” Patton thinks to himself. As he sits there listening, he can’t help but let his mind wander. He starts thinking about how much he wishes he was in classes with the others. As he lets his thoughts wander, he wonders what the others are doing. He wonders if Roman and Remus are doing ice breakers for theater. He wonders if Janus and Virgil are lab partners. He wonders what Logan is doing in English.   
“...In this class, your quizzes and tests will be 75% of your grade and your homework and participation will be worth 25%. Your homework will be graded by effort. If it gets done without showing work, it gets 2 points. If it’s done and has work shown, you’ll get 4 points. Any questions?” The teacher asks, and Patton raises his hand.   
“How often will we have quizzes?” He asks, feeling slightly nervous.  
“You’ll have quizzes once a week on Friday.” The teacher answers, and Patton nods. “If there are no further questions, class is dismissed when the bell rings.” Patton sighs. He zoned out too much. Hopefully one of the other guys has Mrs. Alvin for math. He packs up his math supplies. He sits there, trying to seem happy with his situation. “It’s going to be just fine,” Patton thinks to himself. The bell rings and the noises of students chatting drown out Patton’s thoughts, and he’s left to find his next class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please leave comments! Whether they are headcanons, theories, etc.  
> I somehow managed to crack this chapter out in less than a day. I can't promise I'll be able to do that for every chapter. I hope y'all enjoyed!


	4. Cafeteria Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton talks to Logan and Roman about their classes

As Patton walks to lunch, he hopes he’ll see the others there. When he sits down at an empty table, he looks around, hoping one of his friends would be sitting with him. He eventually spots Logan and Roman, so he waves them over.  
“Hey, guys! I’m over here!” Roman must have heard him because he and Logan walk over to him.  
“Hey, Pat! How’re classes going?” Roman sits down and stretches.   
“It’s alright! I wish I had classes with you guys, but that’s ok!” Patton answers.  
“Say, what class do you have next?” Roman looks directly at Patton.  
“Oh, I have English next…” Patton looks down for a bit.  
“Same!” Roman says, a look of joy on his face.  
“Really?” He nods at Patton. Patton sighs of relief. At least he has one class with someone.  
“Figurative language is not my strong suit, I hope you two know what you are doing,” Logan responds.  
“Of course I know what I’m doing, I’ve taken screenplay writing classes, plus I’m in theater! I know my figurative language!” Roman grins at Logan as if he’s challenging him.   
“Well, what does nose to the grindstone mean, if you are so well versed in figurative language?” Logan replies back.  
“Hm. That would have to hurt. I really don’t know.” Roman thinks for a few more seconds. “Yeah, I have no idea what that means.”  
“You. You just said that you know your figurative language and yet-”  
“You put me under pressure!” Roman whines and then laughs a little. Patton laughs with him.  
“It means to do hard work,” Logan responds.  
“Ok, is there like a quiz in English tomorrow that I was unaware of?” Roman looks nervous suddenly.  
“No. It’s important to know your Idioms though.” Logan pinches the bridge of his nose.  
“I didn’t know what it meant either.” Patton looks towards Roman, trying to show some sort of solidarity. Roman nods.  
“I hope your classes are satisfactory, Patton.” Logan turns towards him, trying to interact in some way.   
“My math teacher is nice, a bit strict though. I think you would like her, Logan.” He responds, trying to keep the disappointment out of his face. Logan nods, not in agreement but more in a listening manner. The bell rings for their final class.  
“I’ll text you guys after class,” Logan says and turns to his final class. Roman looks excited however and turns to Patton.  
“English class! Here we come!” He yells out.  
“Yay!” Patton says, trying to sound enthusiastic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo, sorry for the 2 month hiatus. I've been kinda dealing with lack of motivation and other mental health things. Hope you guys enjoy!!!


End file.
